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I won’t grow up..

My oldest is now registered for kindergarten…

I have such mixed feelings about it – I am excited for him because HE is so excited, but at the same time my heart is breaking a little bit because, well…he won’t be ALL mine anymore. Because of the issues both boys had when they were born, we had to keep them isolated the first couple of years, to make sure they didn’t end up BACK in the hospital. Which meant no preschool, limited playground visits and playdates, and even the rarest of the rare, a babysitter. So yeah, the idea of letting him go by himself, even for just a couple of hours (our kindergarten is half day) is killing me. I do plan on volunteering in his class once in awhile, but what it really boils down to, is that for a couple of hours a day, 5 days a week, I won’t be in control of his every moment…I know. It’s my hangup, and something I have to deal with, but so many “what-if’s” keep popping into my head – what if the teacher doesn’t get his goofy personality? What if the other kids don’t like him? – and so on…He’s a bit of a hyper puppy personality at first, but once he gets used to things he settles down (a bit). What if he misses his Mommy?  

I admit, part of me wants to keep him home, but a big part of me knows I have to let go, even just a bit, even if a chunk of my heart breaks off and goes with him everyday. I just don’t wanna…

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  1. I hear ya! I didn’t wanna either. I hate EVERY SINGLE SECOND that he is gone. And he’s in 5th grade – I guess I will NEVER get used to him being gone. *sigh*

    Do you think we can convince our kids to live with us til we die? I’m game!!!

  2. Registering for kindergarten was huge for me too last year. But unlike yours, Jackson was a preschool veteran! So it wasn’t too hard to transition once I got over the concept that my baby was growing up on me!!!

    You will survive though – and he will love kindergarten I am sure! 🙂

    FABULOUS shot!! Love it with the backlighting. Good work. (On your new sony?? Mine is STILL stuck in customs!!! oh soooo sad! It got rerouted and delayed, etc. And I STILL don’t have them!)

    I am going to post that picture you took of Olivia later tonight. 🙂

  3. Oh, Deanna, I could have totally written this same post 8 months ago. And now that we’re almost thru kindergarten (half day also) I’m dreading the beginning of 1st grade and ALL DAY SCHOOL. Ok, so it’s really only 9am-2:30pm, but STILL.

    I’m finding that the bigger he gets, the tighter I want to hold on. He’s gotten so used to me whining about him growing up that all I have to do is look at him with my sad mommy eyes and he tells me “Don’t worry Mom. I’ll still be your baby when I get bigger.”

    I don’t think it ever gets easier. But each new step brings a whole new opportunity for memories, for experiences and for new things to share together. And I keep telling myself that with him in school ALL DAY next year, it’ll give me some one-on-one time with Little Sister, who’s never had my undivided attention.

    At least that’s what I tell myself.

  4. my oldest.. i just registered this year too… boy it feels like such a big step, doesn’t it?

    your site is so nice!
    came via 5minutes4mom!

  5. It never gets easier. It just seems like yesterday that my oldest was in kindergarten, now she is graduating next week. I am a basket case about this right now.

  6. I think I can relate, even though my oldest isn’t in kindergarten yet. I am both dreading and looking forward to the big day. I dread it for the same reasons: what if he needs me? what if he isn’t prepared enough? and (heaven forbid!) what if someone is mean to my baby?! But then, I look forward to it for the same reasons because that is how we all grow…dang growing. Can’t we all just not grow up!? Good luck!

  7. Those first few days when Jack went to preschool were so hard on me. It does get easier with time, and I love watching him grow and learn things that he hasn’t learned from me!

    It is definitely an adjustment though, and I imagine kindy will be even harder, because it will be 5 days a week.

  8. Hard yes, even harder was letting my son go in the Marines! All we can do is pray, and give them “roots and wings”. Hugs!!

  9. Ethan starts kindergarten this year and I was on the verge of tears the whole orientation. I kept him home an extra year and I still can’t picture letting him go.

    I love this picture- just beautiful!

  10. My twins are officially registered too! On one hand I would love to have some free time with the baby but I am sad, my babies are growin’ up.
    Sniffle.

  11. DC,
    I totally went through that with Paige last year. I wasn’t crying on the first day. I was more in shock. Who will tie her shoe or show her where to go? Who will remind her that she has her own lunch or tell off the other kids if they act like jerks? It’s so hard to “cut the apron strings” – but the best part about it is watching them blossom before your eyes and seeing what incredible kids they turn into. I also volunteered in her class – and it was great. I knew the type of education she was getting and I knew who she was talking about and what kind of kids she was interacting with. Good luck. It’s hard letting a peice of your heart go – but worth it!

  12. The twins have made it through their first year of all day kindergarten and I still hate putting them on that bus. I miss them so much everyday.

    The “girl” begged me to come to lunch everyday for the first half of the year and I gave her one or two days a week. She’s adjusted well now but I just about pee myself when they get off that bus everyday. I’m so excited!

    It’s great to watch them be so smart and learn so quickly so it’s a fair trade. I let go a little and they become great well rounded people.

    Enjoy the summer, it will go so quickly!

  13. Well my “baby” is starting Kindergarten and I too am bracing myself for this milestone of having both kids in school…we spend years adjusting to multitasking and interruptions..then one day…there is the peace and quiet we thought we needed. And on that day, we’d do anything to give it right back.

    It’s so important to have interests and hobbies as mothers; we are examples of how to enjoy and live LIFE. And with the separation from our kids, comes the priceless gift of CONVERSATION..of sharing stories of what YOU did today with one another…there is an excitement in the unknown that occurs each day that replaces the known of “last year”. The hugs are longer, kisses sweeter…

  14. You know you can keep them with you and enjoy seeing them explore, discover and create every day. You can homeschool and keep the joy in learning. (I sound like I’m selling something.) I just wanted to put the idea out there.

  15. Dude! Look at that photo! You took that? Way to go chicky!!! I see you are enjoying your alpha. I’m learning all kinds of tricks with mine as well. I still can’t get a good sun picture though.

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